July 2010
World Domination Conspiracy (from...
Obama: You all know why I called you here; TJ12ACB commented on a Youtube video and exposed all our conspiracies.
Illuminati: Uh-oh. How bad is it?
Obama: He posted it in all caps.
Justin Bieber: Dear God…
Time Traveler: What are we going to do?
Obama: I don't know yet. It's lucky I found it so soon. He must have deciphered all those strange and evil clues we put out.
Robot: Maybe we should stop leaving those clues around.
Obama: Maybe you should shut up.
Illuminati: Well, thank goodness you read every single comment people make on the internet. But now what?
Reptillians: We could fake something.
Obama: Great. I love faking things! This is going even better than the time we faked the moon landing and Utah.
Robot: Utah?
Obama: Come on; did you really think there was a Utah? Wake up sheeple.
Aliens: Sorry we're late, guys. We were busy just totally existing this whole time with no one noticing.
Obama: Hey guys; It's a good thing America has hid your existence for all time.
Illuminati: And that no aliens have ever been to other countries, for some reason.
Obama: Which reminds me; thanks for running everything with the Jews, Illuminati. I owe you a sandwich sometime.
Illuminati: You guys run everything too?
Jews: Of course! That's why nothing bad has ever happened to Jews throughout history.
Bigfoot: I thought you guys were getting it pretty easy…
Justin Bieber: Maybe we should rig it so TJ12ACB looks crazy, even though he clearly isn't crazy, because how could a crazy person know that I, Justin Bieber, am a Korean spy?
Robots: Exactly, agent Wu-Jung. He's clearly a genius; but we need to rig it so he looks crazy even though he totally isn't.
NBA Referees: Like how whenever anyone's favorite team loses it's because we rigged everything.
Obama: Exactly. But we have to focus; TJ12ACB is literally the most important man in the world, no matter what backhand comments that guy at Subway makes about his weight.
Reptillians: Right. He is a super genius; and to think his parents wanted him to get a job or something.
Aliens: Should we kill him like we killed JFK?
Mafia: I thought that was us.
Aliens: (shrugs) who knows these days?
Obama: We need to think of something; the last thing we need is for someone to reveal how I am literally Hitler; Secret Muslim Kenyan Hitler.
Robots: That wouldn't bode well for the re-election, especially during the 2012 apocalypse.
Bigfoot: So we're agreed; let's get him!
Obama: But we have no way to find out who TJ12ACB is! We simply don't have the technology.
Reptillians: He has defeated us! Arrrrrgh!
Obama: Yes he has. Despite the fact that we rigged everything in the entire world, for some reason we cannot trace a Youtube poster.
Justin Bieber: Curses! Hissssss! (Turns into his snake form)
Obama: But he truly is a hero, willing to fight us even if it means he can never even kiss a girl, because his duty is so great to the world, not because he's scared to do it or anything.
Illuminati: Yes; TJ12ACB Youtube is a genius and a lone hero. Secretly, we respect him.
Obama: Now, let's get back to work here; we have an alleged “Oil- “Spill- to “Clean- “Up- in the “Ocean- if you know what I mean…
Robot: Nuking Atlantis! Of course...
Obama: We can only hope TJ12ACB doesn't tell everyone on Warcraft.
“People believe and defend that which they want to be true.”
Choices
imlonnie:
when faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. it works, not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.
“Truth has nothing to do with the number of people it convinces.”
– Paul Claudel
“Everyone dies, but not everyone really lives.”
“Things are only impossible until they’re not.”
“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have...”
– John Greenleaf Whittier
“Evolution
The emergence of some feature
Through selection of mutations...”
“Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie...”
– Matthew Arnold, Dover Beach
“When the tide goes out for the last time, all the shipwrecks will be waiting for...”
Making Something from Nothing
It was early in the morning, and already over one hundred degrees. A light breeze did nothing to alleviate the heat. I opened my notebook and turned to a blank page. A pang of disappointment flashed through me when I only had to turn a few pages before I found one. ”I haven’t written nearly enough this year, and it’s more than half over,” I thought. There are numerous...
